The Spin of the Ball

Online Dating: Due to my appearance and messaging style, I’m not having much success on the dating apps. In fact, I haven’t been on a date in over 2 years. I used to worry, “Did I say too much in my opening message?”, “Am I being too weird?” Now I absolutely don’t think that. If she doesn’t accept me for being me in that moment, it was never meant to be.

Memories: I still think about my ex-girlfriend. Some really good memories. But I’ve also been thinking, “What if I find someone even more suitable?”

Tactics: Whenever something awkward happens, I tell myself it’s just backstory. Backstory of the character I have just started playing. It didn’t happen to me. It happened to the one who was playing me moments before. Poor guy, that must have been awkward. Now it’s my turn to take the controls.

Why do I have all these tactics for life? Well, I’m not very good at it. I’m not a natural. I wasn’t born to live, like some of you. Perhaps I was born to try.

Is This the Real Life?: You have to admit, reality is very convincing. They really nailed it. I hardly ever find myself wondering if it’s fake, except for the time I was explaining simulation theory to my parents. I explained that there are all these little details, like traffic noise and birds chirping to keep you convinced that the simulation is real. In that moment, all the birds stopped chirping and my parents got scared.

The Show: When someone is boring me, I try to imagine them under a spotlight, on a stage, reciting a script that I wrote. I then start thinking, “How believable is this performance? Would a real person say this?” I’m still not sure what “real” means, but I’m happy to pretend.

Creating a Universe: There’s all this stuff we don’t know and the scientists are on to it. But what if it’s not happening the way we think? What if the scientist, looking through her microscope, represents God asking Herself a question about the universe She created? The scientist looks closer, God makes up an answer.

I wonder about this because I have created a universe in my mind. Every night, when I go to bed, I travel to this other universe. There, I talk to my imaginary friend, Guybrush Threepwood. Whenever we encounter some aspect of the universe we haven’t considered before, we make something up. So I wonder if God does that too.