The Spin of the Ball

I want a relationship with a woman to such a degree that I feel destined for one. I have this new thing I tell myself whenever I’m impatient with life. I say, “she could appear at any moment.” When I say this I feel such relief. I don’t have to do anything. Except exist. I can do that. Exist and she may appear. In the store, at my door, in my inbox, anywhere, anyhow. What a thing!

Before I came up with this, I spent the day thinking about my ex-girlfriend. I have many fond memories but she probably doesn’t. I was a terrible boyfriend. Really bad. I was an insomniac at the time and I made her sleep in the other (inferior) room on a single mattress. In retrospect, I should have taken that room and mattress. But that is far from the worst of it. The worst of it shall remain in my private diary. It hurts to write this but she almost certainly isn’t coming back. And if she did, it would probably be weird.

So that’s how I spent my day. Thinking of how good she was and how bad I was. But I turned things around on my train trip home. I imagined that I was God and that I’d created all the characters on the train. I admired the beauty in each of my creations. I could see past the imperfections that Josh would detect and get caught on. I could see Josh. Just another character in the story I wrote. “Don’t worry Josh, there are some good things coming up in the story,” I said.

I’ve been watching a show called Northern Exposure. It’s from the 90’s. Back then, my parents told me I was too young to watch it, but I always kept it in mind. I’ve finished the first season and I’m loving it. The characters and world are so charming and interesting. My favourite character so far is Chris, the radio DJ.