The Spin of the Ball

Suffering: I am going through some suffering at the moment. I can’t say why. On paper, life is fine. Perhaps I wrote this story for me and I thought that I’d want some suffering at this point. I tell myself, “This is what you wanted, right?” And it helps me enjoy the agony. I accept it. To fight against it is futile. But I fight for a time until I give in. And it really isn’t so bad. As I’ve written, it gets boring when everything goes right. And when I emerge from the suffering, joy becomes more enjoyable.

Suffering 2: Having said that, it sucks. I like to think I have the cure, in the words above, but I still have to endure it. After I endure it, I keep thinking it won’t come back again. People say to call a friend, or hang out with friends, but it’s Tuesday night. I don’t want to bother anyone. My computer stopped working. Probably because I built it myself. So I’ve been wandering around my apartment, trying to feel the full force of my existential crisis.

Suffering 3: I still have my laptop. I could play some 90’s games on that. But maybe I don’t want to do anything. Just be. Maybe I need to learn how to be. This is an opportunity.

Singing: As much as I like the lolly shop, I really like to sing. I would love to be on stage, making people feel emotions. My computer has started working again so I’m going to do some karaoke.