The Spin of the Ball

Cigarettes: I got home from work, drank some prosecco with orange juice, and played a game called Vampyr. My favourite part of the game is collecting things from bins (for crafting). Especially when I’m drunk. The clock hit 9:30pm and I wondered what to do with the rest of my evening. I decided to go for a long walk and buy some cigarettes. In Australia, they are really expensive, and you can’t buy mid-strength anymore. So I bought some very strong ones and got quite dizzy. I found myself outside a house with Christmas lights.

Neon Lights: I inspected the Christmas lights closely. My favourite is the blue colour. I remember going with my sister to her best friend’s house when I was about 6 or 7. I stared at the blue lights on display in her living room. Trippy. Now that I know what LSD is like, it was kind of like that. Seeing a neon light. Really seeing it. My sister’s best friend had a much older sister who was in the kitchenette, laughing with her friends. “The mums are being silly,” I said aloud. It was the first big laugh I remember causing, and I didn’t know why. I try to make people laugh sometimes, but the biggest laughs seem to happen by accident. That is my favourite memory from my sister’s best friend’s house. Others include playing Kung Fu on the NES, watching Supergirl (1984) twice in one weekend, and pretending her wardrobe was a portal into a magical world with fairies.

Weirdness: When I was a schoolboy, I was often made fun of for being weird. Sometimes I didn’t mind but most of the time it bothered me. I wanted to be normal. I’m still weird and I still get triggered sometimes, but mostly I take it as a compliment. I’m doing my dance, not theirs.

Making Friends: I’m learning that if I want to make friends, or keep them, I must let my guard down. If I do this, it lets the other person know that it’s safe to let down theirs. I won’t wait for them to do it first.

Crap: I’m getting more comfortable with writing crap. I don’t think it’s crap but you might read it and think, “This is crap!” If that’s the worst that can happen, I’m ok with that.